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Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.” ― Dave Pelzer (Author, A Child Called “It”) Every child has the right to live a safe and happy life! Every child has the right to say “NO” if uncomfortable with an action, or touch, even if by an adult or other child. Every child has the right to: Control  who touches your body! Only you, your parents, or doctors (with a parent present) have a right to touch you in places a bathing suit covers. Say ‘no’  to anyone who touches you in any way, on any  part of your body, making you feel uncomfortable, strange, or bad! Say ‘no ’ ' to anyone who touches you.  Tell them to stop!  Move away and tell them you will tell your parents, friends, or other adults. Say “no”  to anyone who tries  to touch you, or who tries to get you to touch them, in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, icky, or bad! Tell  others if you see someone touching one of your friends, a brother or sister, or anyone else in a way that is wrong or that you think  may be wrong! Tell  if someone talks to you in a way that makes you uncomfortable! Tell  if someone tries to show you a picture, or a book, show you an internet site, ask you to watch a movie of naked people, or ask you to see or watch people acting in ways that make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, or are touching each other in ways you don’t understand! Tell your parents, a teacher, a policeman, or any other adult you trust if anything happens to you that makes you uncomfort able. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or does anything you don’t like, you have a right to tell others, even if they say it’s a secret, that it’s tattling, or that they will hurt you or someone you love if you tell. You have a right to tell if anyone threatens you! Tell someone if someone says they are sorry or didn’t mean to do what they did! "What distresses me at times is that I meet a lot of people in their 40's, 50's, 60's, who still say they're a victim of child abuse” ( Dave Pelzer , writer) “No child should ever experience the feeling of terror, fear, or abuse. Let’s stay united in raising our children right, safe from any harm”. (Child Insider) “Children are pure. Adults are not”. Children should never suffer from abuse…or neglect . Some parents may not physically hit or harm their children, yet they neglect their children. Neglect is when a parent does not or is unable to provide a child’s physical needs for clothing, food, or shelter. But parents can also neglect their children emotionally. This may be by ignoring them, not ensuring that their child is clean (affects the child’s health & reactions toward them from others in society), not addressing their child’s health issues, or abandoning a child at times when the child needs them. Neglect is seen when a parent’s self-interests result in absences, or ‘absent parent’ situations. The parent is communicating the child is not a priority, and this can affect a child’s self-esteem, their ability to have empathy for others or their lack of ability to form positive attachments with others. Parental interest & participation in a child’s life set the stage for that child’s future relationship strengths or weaknesses. Children are our future and the most precious gift we have. Yet, children are often abused, ignored, neglected, or treated with little value. Parents must learn skills to ‘discipline’ children (which is to demonstrate and teach  what is appropriate and inappropriate. It is not to beat or abuse into submission). As models teachers and instructors, parents can guide and direct children to know what are acceptable & unacceptable behaviors. If you believe a child has been, or is being, abused, it is the LAW that you report suspected  or actual  abuse immediately to Child Protective Services or the Police. Children must be protected, even against their own family members, other adults, friends or peers, other children, educators, strangers, or others who may hold or exert manipulation or a power position over a child. If you truly want to know a nation’s true values, their ‘moral compass’, not just their spoken or ‘professed values’, all you have to do is watch the way they treat, or mistreat, their children, their elderly, their poor, their weakest, their ill, and the most powerless. If you see children and adults dedicated, and actively attempting, to protect the weak & unprotected, those are people of character putting their values into action. They are the true conscience of your nation. People may not always tell you how they feel about others, but they always show their feelings and values by how they treat others. If you want to know how a person, or a nation, feels about you or others, watch what they do, not what they say. “No person, whether child or adult, should ever live in fear of having physical violence or sexual abuse directed at them. “I work with children who have been abused, or who have formed attachment disorders due to abuse or neglect. I also work with adults who were abused as children (or when they were adults) so they recognize that they are survivors, that they no longer need to carry that overwhelming burden of abuse, to learn and find the strength needed to stand up for themselves, to discover ways to better protect themselves, and to move forward in life. One of the most effective tools I use in my practice to address abuse and trauma is EMDR . It helps people ‘let go’ (not forget, but allows a person not to constantly re-live the abuse), allows people to be in therapy for a briefer period, and allows the ability to move forward more quickly. Even if a part of a person’s childhood (or adulthood) has been ‘stolen’ from them by abuse, I want my clients to understand that there ARE paths to begin to build the life they want, that is safe and fulfilling. They have more control than they realize and I want them to know that.” - Clifton Fuller Knowledge empowers. Find out as much as possible regarding child care, abuse, or neglect. Stay safe! Seek Help! Protect children! Resources for further information, resources, and research: Texas Dept of Family and Protective Services  1-800-252-5400. Protects children, the elderly, and people with disabilities from abuse, neglect, and exploitation. TDFPS protects the health and safety of children in daycare, as well as foster care and other types of 24-hour care. Get Parenting Tips: GetParentingTips.com  and podcasts at Get Parenting Tips Podcast Child Welfare Gateway  (great resource listing many multiple resources for child protection) Child Abuse Reporting Lines  (for each state) Child Abuse Prevention Services Statement  on how to identify and recognize abuse. Crisis Hotline phone numbers  (lists multiple organizations) Report child pornography: National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Cyber Tip-line  or call 1.800.THE.LOST (1.800.843.5678). Cyber Tip-line is the nation’s centralized reporting system to report suspected online enticement of children for sexual acts, extrafamilial child sexual molestation, child pornography, child sex trafficking, and more. National Parenting Helpline : Call 1.855.4.A.PARENT (1.855.427.2736) to speak with a trained National Parent Helpline advocate who can listen to you, offer emotional support, and build on your parenting strengths. National Runaway Safe-line : Call 1.800.786.2929 (live chat, emails, forum) or text 66008 for free, confidential services and support. This service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Financial assistance for grandparents raising grandchildren: Kinship Care Contacts & Programs  to access info for State officials and kinship care-specific services offered by State child welfare departments. Connections between animal cruelty and child abuse: National Sheriff’s Association Research Study Addressing abuse of infants by parents overwhelmed with a newborn baby’s constant crying. Understanding and staying calm during The Time of Purple Crying RAINN  (Rape and Incest National Network) operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (phone hotline) and a 24/7 online hotline addressing anything related to sexual violence. 800-656-HOPE (4673). Sesame Street-Helping Kids with Traumatic Experiences . Activities (birth to 7 years old) designed to help young children cope with traumatic stressors in their lives. Some abuse occurs because a parent or caregiver is not aware of the appropriate development stages of a child. Download this FREE CDC (Centers for Disease Control & Prevention) development tracker . Follow a child’s normal development from 2 months to 5 years. Tips to encourage a child’s development; or if concerned that a child is not reaching development milestones. Tools for Tracking  (by age). Milestone Tracking App . Childhood Development Videos . 1 in 6 children has developmental delays or disabilities. Children from families with low incomes, like those served by WIC, are at even greater risk. Find out  how you can help.

Resources for further information, resources, and research: Texas Dept of Family and Protective Services  1-800-252-5400. Protects children, the elderly, and people with disabilities from abuse, neglect, and exploitation. TDFPS protects the health and safety of children in daycare, as well as foster care and other types of 24-hour care. Get Parenting Tips: GetParentingTips.com  and podcasts at Get Parenting Tips Podcast Child Welfare Gateway  (great resource listing many multiple resources for child protection) Child Abuse Reporting Lines  (for each state) Child Abuse Prevention Services Statement  on how to identify and recognize abuse. Crisis Hotline phone numbers  (lists multiple organizations) Report child pornography: National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Cyber Tip-line  or call 1.800.THE.LOST (1.800.843.5678). Cyber Tip-line is the nation’s centralized reporting system to report suspected online enticement of children for sexual acts, extrafamilial child sexual molestation, child pornography, child sex trafficking, and more. National Parenting Helpline : Call 1.855.4.A.PARENT (1.855.427.2736) to speak with a trained National Parent Helpline advocate who can listen to you, offer emotional support, and build on your parenting strengths. National Runaway Safe-line : Call 1.800.786.2929 (live chat, emails, forum) or text 66008 for free, confidential services and support. This service is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Financial assistance for grandparents raising grandchildren: Kinship Care Contacts & Programs  to access info for State officials and kinship care-specific services offered by State child welfare departments. Connections between animal cruelty and child abuse: National Sheriff’s Association Research Study Addressing abuse of infants by parents overwhelmed with a newborn baby’s constant crying. Understanding and staying calm during The Time of Purple Crying RAINN  (Rape and Incest National Network) operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (phone hotline) and a 24/7 online hotline addressing anything related to sexual violence. 800-656-HOPE (4673). Sesame Street-Helping Kids with Traumatic Experiences . Activities (birth to 7 years old) designed to help young children cope with traumatic stressors in their lives. Some abuse occurs because a parent or caregiver is not aware of the appropriate development stages of a child. Download this FREE CDC (Centers for Disease Control & Prevention) development tracker . Follow a child’s normal development from 2 months to 5 years. Tips to encourage a child’s development; or if concerned that a child is not reaching development milestones. Tools for Tracking  (by age). Milestone Tracking App . Childhood Development Videos . 1 in 6 children has developmental delays or disabilities. Children from families with low incomes, like those served by WIC, are at even greater risk. Find out  how you can help. We make our world better when we care about our children and the above resources to prevent child abuse and neglect are always available for any parent, child, or caring person.

We all have experienced past physical and emotional struggles and will experience these issues from time to time in the future. It's part of life. Some attempt to control or change their life by becoming overly disciplined or even punishing with their eating. Some attempt to gain social approval by conforming to what they consider to be societal expectations of the perfect or desired body type. These struggles may develop into eating disorders. Eating disorders cannot be attributed solely to eating habits, food choices or availability, family heredity history, examples set by peers or family, discipline, self-control, or exercise, feelings of lack of control over oneself or life, although some or all of those factors may be present in those suffering from an eating disorder. Things that are good for us, whether it be eating, exercising, or sleeping when taken to an extreme in either direction...too much or not enough...cause problems in both our physical and mental health. In the workplace, businesses are often looking for the "right image" in professionals they hire and may avoid hiring those who are too overweight or too thin. This causes increased rejection to the person already struggling with their body image, may cause them to avoid seeking help to address their eating disorder, and also causes businesses to miss out on some highly skilled professionals who could be of great value to their company. Some businesses are realizing this and developing health incentive programs at work for all their employees that encourage (& allow time for) walking during the work day, provide healthy nutrition resources and food choices at work (with time to eat away from the desk, unhurried), and support employees who develop and lead healthier lives. When it's seen as a team effort, praised, and encouraged, this, in turn, increases job satisfaction and productivity. Read More... Anorexia Nervosa. This disorder occurs when a person refuses to maintain normal weight for age & height, eventually leading to a weight medically considered 15%, or more, below that which is expected. The individual will experience an intense fear of weight gain or becoming fat, even though underweight. They develop a distorted, overly critical view of their body weight or shape or deny the seriousness of their low body weight. Women will experience an absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles. Both men and women struggling with Anorexia may restrict eating or regularly binge-eat and purge (self-induced vomiting, laxative misuse, diuretics, enemas, other medications, fasting, or excessive exercise).  Bulimia, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating Disorders. These individuals frequently binge eat, feeling a lack of eating control during the binge episode. Bulimia Nervosa : Bulimia Nervosa is a specific subtype of bulimia. The key difference lies in the purging behaviors that follow bingeing. In bulimia nervosa, individuals engage in compensatory actions such as vomiting or laxative use. Symptoms : Recurrent Binge & Purge Eating : Individuals experience episodes of consuming large amounts of food in a short period. During these episodes, they feel a loss of control and are unable to stop eating. After bingeing, they exhibit behaviors such as self-induced vomiting, laxative misuse, or excessive exercise to eliminate the calories consumed. Their self-image is closely tied to their weight or appearance. Bulimia Nervosa includes purging (forcing oneself to vomit) behaviors after bingeing. Binge Eating Disorder (BED) : Symptoms : Individuals with BED also experience episodes of consuming more food than usual in a very short time. They feel guilty about eating this much at once. Unlike bulimia, individuals with BED do not engage in compensatory behaviors (such as vomiting, purging, or excessive exercise) after bingeing. Diagnosis : The DSM-5 criteria for BED include recurrent binge eating without purging behaviors . Doctors and Mental Health Professionals also use interviews and compare symptoms to the DSM-5 criteria for bulimia diagnosis . The key difference lies in the presence or absence of purging. Bulimia involves purging after bingeing, while BED does not exhibit compensatory behaviors . Seeking professional help is crucial for both disorders. Those with eating disorders recurrently try not to gain weight from bingeing by self-induced vomiting, misuse of laxatives, diuretics, enemas, or other medications, fasting, or excessive exercise. Their bingeing & purging behavior occurs, on average, at least twice a week for 3 months. They tend to be overly critical of body shape and weight. This is when a person frequently has binge eating episodes but does not engage in purging or compensatory behavior to try to prevent weight gain. Numerous medical complications may occur as a result of an eating disorder. Some of these are depression, heart problems, kidney damage, teeth/gum erosion, ulcers, memory/concentration problems, sleep disturbances, and deteriorating hair, skin, and nail quality. Although those with eating disorders are typically trying to become thin, they inadvertently trigger a slowdown of their metabolism, actually making it more difficult to lose weight. They may also experience differences in brain activity, fertility issues, and decreased bone strength. It is imperative to seek immediate mental health counseling. It is also vital to receive medical care, dental care, and treatment for any possible side effects of the eating disorder. Working with a dietician is very helpful to learn more about metabolism and develop new healthy eating habits. What is Binge Eating ? Not all eating disorders are those who refuse to eat, or who binge and then purge eat. Some individuals look to food as comfort to address crisis, unhappiness, distraction, lack of self-esteem, or do not receive the brain's usual "I am full" alerts from their body or stomach when they eat. They may be extremely overweight, and develop secondary issues such as low energy, high blood pressure, diabetes, joint and movement difficulty, and mental health issues related to depression, anxiety, or hopelessness. Exercise may initially be difficult due to the weight they are bearing on their back, joints, knees, and feet. It is wise to be under a doctor's oversight for the most effective management of weight loss, recommended exercise programs, and healthy lifestyles in conjunction with a mental health professional and a dietary professional. What is Diabulimia ? Diabulimia is a life-threatening eating disorder where a person with Type-1 diabetes withholds insulin to lose weight. The person may have multiple eating disorders, such as binging and purging or they may decrease or miss insulin dosages in an attempt to quickly lose weight, while they have healthy eating patterns at other times.   Common Triggers : Those suffering from eating disorders may also reflect poor interpersonal skills development, difficulty regulating emotions, difficulty tolerating distress, and uncertainty about personal feelings and thoughts. They replay elf-hatred thoughts repeatedly, which makes the individual feel they are not good enough and may have an overly determined or driven approach. Sadly, they often also have a willingness to overlook basic needs. Did you know ? Eating disorders most often start between the ages of 14-19. Onset after age 21 is rare. 8 to 12 binges per week are average for those with bulimia nervosa or binge eaters. 20% of the individuals diagnosed with BED are obese. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders. Seek help as soon as possible if you, or someone you know or love, are showing symptoms related to an eating disorder.  Addressing eating disorder issues can save a life...and help prevent future issues related to esteem, physical health, and positive mental health. Here are valuable resources for individuals dealing with eating disorders, regardless of body size: Project HEAL : Project HEAL aims to create a world where everyone with an eating disorder has the opportunities and resources they need to heal. Their programs break down systemic, healthcare, and financial barriers that millions of people in the U.S. face when trying to he al from their eating disorders. Programs include clinical assessment, insurance navigation, treatment placement, cash assistance, and meal support. National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA): Provides a helpline for sup port and information with a Diabulimia Helpline spec ifically for individuals dealing with diabulimia. NEDA Resource Center offers Free and Low-Cost Support and provides information on free and low-cost support options for eating disorders. F.E.A.S.T : Provides support and education resources to parents and caregivers of loved ones impacted by eating disorders . ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) : Provides a free peer support communi ty that helps anyone struggling with an eating disorder. Eating disorders affect people of all ages, genders, ethnicities, sexual orientations, body shapes, and weights Great Nonprofits: Eat ing Disorders & Addictions : Volunteer and Donate: Explore top-r ated eating disorders and addictions nonprofits. Consid er volunteering or donating to support their work.

Anger feels like power. It isn't. What are anger's true consequences for us and others? What purpose does anger serve? If you are personally struggling with anger or know someone else who is having difficulty with this emotion, there are ways to identify it, address it, and gain better control of it. As we deal with daily stressors or traumatic, or life-changing events, we often experience very powerful emotions. It may be frustration, shock, or a feeling of emotional detachment. Some may even experience unexpected bouts of tears at impromptu times when least expected. We may experience pain and our immediate reaction may be denial...or anger We may just "feel" so frustrated that it erupts into sudden anger. This is because humans all want to feel safe and loved. We do not want to feel threatened, in danger, without control, helpless, or experience the absence of positive interaction with other humans or rejection by others. Anger is an emotion, but it is a secondary emotion, which means it is the second emotion felt...and can be controlled. Anger always follows one (or more) of the following primary four emotions: Pain Loss Fear Frustration All four of the above primary emotions make us feel as if we are not in control, or being victimized, which is always uncomfortable or threatening. That feeling of "powerlessness" may prepare our bodies and minds for two actions: to fight (protect oneself) or to flee (escape). I recall in the 1950s when all my siblings and I would gather around our old TV and laugh as we watched old Loony Tunes cartoons. One I remember was when Bugs Bunny inadvertently tunneled into a matador's bull ring. Even as children, we could recognize that Toro the Bull was angry by the way he was pawing the ground, his eyes were red, and he had steam coming out of his nose as he menacingly confronted Bugs Bunny. I recall cartoons where steam would come out of Yosemite Sam's ears as Bugs Bunny taunted him. Even as children, we recognized the signals the angry characters were sending out...and laughed because the other characters didn't seem to recognize those signals, even as we, the young cartoon viewers knew what was coming. It's the same way in life. We can identify the signals. In those initial split seconds, we can teach ourselves to take a deep breath and think rather than react. That quick "Time-out" helps us control our emotions and our reactions to them...rather than allowing them to control us. Not only can we identify the warning signals in our bodies, but we can also quickly recognize those same signals in other people. Those warning signals should alert us that it's time to defuse the situation before it escalates. When we feel threatened, we have a " built-in, check off anger-alert list " where we can identify that emotion by how our minds and bodies react...the verbal and non-verbal signals we feel and project. We can also learn to wisely recognize and tune in to these same signals when we see another person's body or voice reflecting the same signals. Anger is a heavy, distracting emotion, causing us to focus myopically (short-sighted focusing). As we brace for anger's fight or flight response, we show both verbal and non-verbal signals. Non-verbal signals to watch out for include: clenched teeth, grinding teeth, or baring one's teeth (much like a dog shows its teeth when threatened), crossed arms (indicating defensiveness, a protective gesture, uneasiness, or insecurity), tightened facial expressions, eye pupils that dilate yet with narrowed eyes, frowning, changes in breathing (rapid, short breaths), stiffness in body, neck, and hands, pointing or extended finger movements, feet braced apart (as if in a confrontational or "self-anchoring" stance). Other signals may include the head or upper body leaning forward aggressively, flushed face, tightened or pursed lips, "staring down" the perceived threat, or jerky, agitated movements. Even though we may not see this in others, we can identify if our own heartbeat increases rapidly or if we feel the adrenalin rush into our body. Verbal signals may include staccato speaking (sharp, choppy sentences or words), cursing or inappropriate language, verbal attacks, speaking loudly, negative name-calling, or sarcasm designed to attack another person. If we choose to fight, we become aggressive, which can quickly escalate into physical or verbal attacks on others. Those feelings of powerlessness may generate anger that, if left unchecked or unidentified, allows a rush of adrenalin (which we now call cortisol), which gives our body a chemical burst of energy to address the perceived threat. It's important to understand that the primary emotion initially felt is anxiety, and once anxiety is pumped full of the chemical overload of adrenalin/cortisol, it morphs into that secondary emotion of anger. Those unchecked adrenalin surges may create unstable "powerless to powerful" feelings that, left unchecked, may result in abuse of others, stereotyping, or shunning of ethnic, religious, or socio-economic groups. It may be expressed in vandalism of property, churches, homes, businesses, or social media attacks on others. It may lead to domestic violence or abuse of children or others, even co-workers or innocent people we've never met. When that happens, it indicates a lack of discipline, control, a mental health issue, or a lack of knowledge about effective reactions to primary feelings of powerlessness. Obtaining knowledge of managing anger is critical to know personally, teach our children, and share with others. Each of us can learn to manage anger. The "fight or flight" response, instinctively felt following a trauma, dumps adrenalin into our bodies. The flight aspect of this response makes us feel weak, agitated, helpless, and small. We much prefer the feelings of anger, which make us feel more powerful, more 'in control'. Our muscles become more rigid, our hearts beat faster, our eyes dilate, and our lungs expand.  Most people prefer to experience aggression rather than anxious thoughts. Anger turned inward  is depression . Anger turned outward  is aggression .  Passive aggressive behavior is rooted in anger that has not been resolved. When we feel anger, if not managed effectively & understood, then a person may seek an outlet for the agitation or "tension" being felt. That may be a problem because instead of us controlling the anger, suddenly the anger is controlling us. Anything you can do with anger, you can do without it! The warning signs we see and feel are our body's way of "communicating" that anger is about to rear its ugly head. I've included a video at the end of this article to share more information. It addresses the importance of communication...of staying on the "issue level" rather than moving to the "relationship level" as well as tips to identify & control anger. It affects our hearts, health, minds, families, friends, and yes, even our nation and world. If left unaddressed, it boils over into domestic violence, abuse, road rage, impulsive reactions, decisions made & later regretted, threats, medical difficulties, hostility, divorces, and wars . We can do several immediate things to gain control of anger: breathe deeply (counting to 10 does work!), force ourselves to "unclench" our body, hands, and teeth (breathing deeply helps us relax), and allow ourselves time to think before responding. The philosopher, Seneca, had wise insights when he said, "Anger brings about nothing grand or beautiful. On the other hand, to be constantly irritated seems to me to be the part of a languid and unhappy mind, conscious of its own feebleness." It may help to distance yourself in situations that generate repeated anger. This may even mean changing a work environment or job if it sets the stage for ongoing anger or "triggers to anger". That is more difficult to do with couples or families, so conflict resolution skills must be developed to strengthen the relationships by learning effective ways to address the anger (pain, loss, frustration, or fears). The Bible has several verses about anger, “Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger”. (Ephesians 4:26). That is important because anger harms us physically (heart attacks, ulcers, difficulty sleeping-which can lead to depression, etc.). “Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger”. (James 1:19). Those in the Christian faith are instructed to let go of anger because it hurts them. A good Buddha quote is, "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Mahatma Gandhi said, "When you are right, you have no need to be angry. When you are wrong, you have no right to be angry" and "You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist." I recall as a child when I frowned or glared at one of my siblings, someone would say, "Be careful or your face will get stuck that way." Anger is ugly. I never heard anyone say, "I find angry people pretty or attractive." We can often see people who wear the lines of anger on their faces, and we tend to distance ourselves from them. We consider children, who bully, do not control their anger, or have temper tantrums, as immature. Yet many adults react in the same vindictive, temper tantrum-throwing way. Adults exerting physical force or those who manipulate others are called abusive. Through their actions, they display unacknowledged feelings of  low self-esteem .  They are driven to 'display their power' over others to counteract feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, and frustration, or to experience value within themselves.  To deal with anger, "take a deep breath" and recognize that our bodies are giving us powerful signals.  We must think through feelings and anger (which is the secondary response to fear, loss, pain, or frustration) and accept that we may be individually powerless.  It may be difficult to admit we cannot control everything in life, and accept that we may not be able to retaliate or punish others who do not respect us, our values, faith, or even our way of life.  We can learn to express these feelings verbally, but first, we must be honest with ourselves and willing to face and address the loss, fear, and frustration. To face a loss, we must accept the truth. We grieve, and allow ourselves to feel anger, but also understand we can control, redirect, and USE our feelings constructively instead of reactively. We may have to learn to be strong enough to say, and mean it, "I'm sorry for the way I acted and my anger”. If someone steps on my foot, I may quickly turn around to fight, as an instinctive, protective response. But what if I realize it's my best friend who stepped on my foot? Am I able to control that anger? Certainly. We all do it all the time. When crises occur, as they will, remember anger isn't power, no matter how much it feels like it. Anger only goes so far before it destroys the carrier. Individuals must learn methods to effectively handle anger when it occurs (as it will in life), but they must also teach their teens and children effective ways to handle anger.   A pivotal time to teach young children is during the " terrible twos " when young children are developmentally learning to separate from their mother or primary caregiver.   Children (teens, or adults) with attachment disorders may need help learning to address impulse control issues related to anger control, identify the "triggers" that set off explosions of anger, to gain control of those feelings. Adolescents who are in a developmental stage of searching for their own identity (i.e. separating from their parents to obtain greater independence) may be prone to anger as an expression of that normal development stage. Mothers may feel this more from both sons and daughters, even though they've had previously close relationships. It's important to model effective methods of anger management and communication during this pivotal time when the adolescent may be more resistant to parental guidance. ( Read more about this stage of development) Those with ADHD-ADD, OCD, or Autism may need patient, and consistent, teaching to learn effective skills to address impulses that anger brings and learn to redirect those impulses effectively. Let's face life's obstacles and trials, being as wise as possible in preventing traumatic situations, or playing into the hands of those who would make us lose control. Redirect powerful feelings of anger into productive actions (helping a family in need, exercising, cleaning the garage, volunteering at a local crisis shelter, or organizing a fundraiser to help others). “Anger is never without a reason…but seldom with a good one.” (Benjamin Franklin) Control anger rather than allowing it to control you. You can do it! Here's a video that gives more information about how to walk away from, or manage, anger:

Worry is the hidden thief of life because it steals our time, energy, and joy. We can't think positive and negative thoughts at the same time, as one will cancel out the other. When we worry, i t steals and consumes our thoughts, decreases our health, and limits our ability to enjoy happiness. Have you heard the phrase, “ You find what you look for ?” If we look for hope, we find it, even in the face of trauma or difficulty. If we look for good in ourselves and others, we will find it, even during difficult times. If we worry, we open the door to it and its destructive siblings: hopelessness, fear, anxiety, anger , depression, ulcers, high blood pressure, headaches, nausea, and unhappiness. It’s the reason counselors and mental health professionals advise their clients to focus on the positive  rather than the negative and to make plans and set goals to move forward rather than step into the sinking sands of the worry trap. Our thoughts impact our brains, which impacts our mental health, which impacts us physically and mentally. Positive thinking is a win-win-win situation in our lives and our mental and physical health. Worry is not. Worry is when we dwell on difficulty or troubles constantly. When we worry, it "feels" as if we are doing something, figuring something out, or preparing for the unseen future. But what we are doing is overloading our brains, losing focus of life’s joys, and wasting time (i.e., life) planning for a million different scenarios that will most likely never occur. Worry won't make you pass that upcoming test, but preparing and studying for it and seeking tutoring might. Worrying about your weight won't make you more fit, but making a plan to slowly begin to exercise, stretch, eat better, and get support to reach your weight goals might be just what you need. Worrying about a relationship won't make it better, but getting help from books, counselors, friends or mentors might help you make the changes needed to improve that relationship. Instead of being constructive, worrying would probably cause you to instead binge eat or seek comfort food to feel better rather than making a plan. Worrying might keep you up at night so you are so tired you can't think straight and fail that test. Worrying about that relationship may make you pull away from, or cling to, former interactions and behaviors that aren't good for the relationship. Worrying won't do the job...but creating a good plan and taking proactive action on it might be just what is needed. Don't let the worry creep in...let the plan be your focus. We can move from being a person who worries to one who intentionally trains their brains how to deal with worrying thoughts effectively every time worry rears its head and tries to creep back into our thinking. We can consciously reframe our thinking to push out worry and focus on our plan of action. There is a difference between worrying and planning, and it’s important to know that difference. Planning takes specific ideas or goals to move forward to address difficult situations and to let go of those over which we have no control. Worrying ruminates about everything that can go wrong but seldom makes a plan and never takes any action to address the situation, circumstances, or difficulty being faced. Worry doesn't face issues objectively. But planning does, as it sets up a method or ideas to move forward. Planning and taking action don't allow us to waste time wallowing in the "worry a lot but do nothing" trap. Worrying is a hamster going in circles on its exercise wheel, spending a lot of energy, believing he is getting things done. It’s like the old saying, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It may give you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.” Constant worrying makes us feel helpless and hopeless, builds anxiety, causes ulcers, heart disease, and high blood pressure, and harms our overall mental and physical health. It serves no purpose. Replace worry with conviction to move forward with a plan, and then determine to "let go" of worry as you work on your plan. If that plan doesn’t work, then don’t worry about it! Make another plan, and another, as many plans as you need to resolve an issue. Sometimes the best plan is simply to let it go and move on in life. We are human and cannot, and will not, win 100% of the time. If we think we can or are, we are not living in reality. Some ways to address worry effectively: Make a plan and take action to implement the plan you've created as discussed above. Plans can be simple and easily achievable. Meditate or pray . Focusing on spiritual values, teachings, and things we consider to be of beauty and that create peace. Meditating or praying can "calm" the mind. Yes, those walks on the beach, or in nature, and deep breathing and thinking about positive things do work! Another way to address worry is exactly the opposite of quiet calmness. Instead of meditation or praying, get up and exercise ! Our bodies will create natural anti-depressants, and they will help us fight off the physical agitation that worry brings. Breathe! Take deep breaths, which refocuses your mind on breathing in and out, in and out. It calms our minds, slows our hearts, and allows us to think about other things. Let it go! Some situations are completely out of our control, no matter how much we wish we could impact them or have a "do-over." Sometimes we just can’t, and we have to release worrying thoughts that serve no purpose but will harm us mentally, emotionally, and physically if we continue to focus on them. Those situations, defeats, or losses can become roadblocks to future success, but only if we allow them to become. If we "Let go" of them, they no longer carry the weight or have the power they once had over us. We may have to learn to quit being so hard on ourselves, or others, and look to and move forward in life. Get a good night’s sleep! Turn off electronic equipment (computers, phones, TV, radios) at least one hour before going to be. If you are restless, take a warm bath to relax before bedtime, or if it helps, listen to relaxation tapes or relaxing music. Some people find that certain soaps, oils, or scents help them relax. Think of a happy mental picture of something relaxing and keep it in your mind. When people constantly worry, whether it’s about one issue or overall thinking, it’s called " catastrophizing ." (Meaning: everything is a catastrophe; doomed; sudden great harm or threat, momentous tragic event(s) ranging from extreme misfortune to utter overthrow or ruin, or "I always do the wrong thing." kind of thinking). This thinking is based on anxiety and fear, neither of which proves productive for life. I want to share an excellent article: “Four Ways to Stop Imagining the Worst Will Happen,” from Patrica Riddell ,   Ph.D., professor of applied neuroscience, University of Reading.   7/18/2022. Article republished from The Conversation  under Creative Commons license. Read the original article . Dr. Riddell shared: “If you have a tendency to worry about worst-case scenarios, it's possible to get your brain on a different track. Imagine you have an interview for a new job tomorrow. Some people might think about what kind of questions they will be asked so that they can prepare or imagine the interview going well. For others, the thought of an interview will cause them to toss and turn all night, thinking of every worst-case scenario possible—no matter how outlandish these may be. If you’re someone who has a tendency to do the latter, you are prone to catastrophizing. Catastrophizing  is a tendency to assume the worst will happen when imagining a future situation—even if you have evidence that this is not the most likely outcome. People who like to feel in control (and are therefore intolerant of uncertainty) are more likely to catastrophize. This has been linked to anxiety —suggesting that frequent catastrophizing may be a factor in developing certain mental health problems. Catastrophizing comes from the belief that by imagining what might go wrong, we’re better able to protect ourselves from harm—both physical and mental. However, this tendency is only helpful if you’re able to correctly predict what will happen in a certain situation and how it will make you feel. As we imagine future events, we experience an emotional reaction to the story we are creating—and we use this response to determine how we will feel in the future. But this way of predicting the future is often wrong since we’re not able to imagine everything that might happen. This can lead to us creating the wrong emotional response for future situations  in our heads. But our belief in what will happen in the future can have a big influence on our behavior. We may see the beauty of the sky's rainbow rather than only focusing on the rain. People who are optimistic (and also realistic) about the future are more likely to be willing to try new things . They are also likely to notice what has gone well in new situations. On the flip side, people who catastrophize about what might go wrong are less likely to try new things. And, when they do try something new, they are more likely to notice what has gone wrong. This will be stored in their memory and will add to the reasons why we shouldn’t try new things in the future. As a result, catastrophizing can lead to undue stress and anxiety and may stop you from doing the things you might enjoy or learn from. If you’re someone who tends to catastrophize when stressed or anxious, there are a few simple and very practical things that you can do to stop that anxious, stressed, worrying cycle. 1. Make decisions in the morning. We often worry about the future at night. When we are asleep, activity in the rational part of our brain is reduced, and activity in the more emotional part  of our brain is increased. As a result, we tend to use our emotional brain to picture the future when we’re awake at night. Lack of sleep can also make us more sensitive to things we see as threatening . This can lead us to focus more on what might go wrong and makes us more prone to catastrophizing . It can be helpful to remind yourself that you are not thinking rationally when you’re lying awake worrying about something. It can also be useful to wait until the morning to make decisions when your brain is rested. 2. Teach your inner critic to be more compassionate! Catastrophizing can be driven by our inner critic , which may use harsh language that makes us emotional. When this happens, try imagining your inner critic as if you were looking through someone else’s eyes. What language do you use, and would you use this language when talking about someone else in a similar situation? Is the language your inner critic uses helpful or justified? Often the answer to these questions will be no. Be conscious of the language your inner critic is using when you’re worried or stressed. If it’s overly harsh, try to switch to a kinder way of speaking to yourself. 3. Make up a better story. Even if things have gone wrong in the past, this is unlikely to be the case in the future—despite what we might tell ourselves. If you tend to catastrophize about future events, try to think instead about ways in which this event might go well, which may help you to feel less anxious. Another strategy is to make up, not just one, but several plausible stories about something good that might happen. This may help to remind you that the stories you’re telling yourself are just that—stories. Choosing to focus on the stories with a positive outcome might also help you to feel less worried or stressed and even help you find some positive solutions or out-of-the-box outcomes. 4. Be kind to yourself! Try to be more compassionate with yourself when considering your future. This is more difficult than you might imagine—even for people who are very compassionate and empathic to others. Compassion and empathy evolved to help us to interact well with others . As such, compassion and empathy aren’t designed to be used for yourself. But small things—such as asking what advice you might give a friend in your situation—can help you to get in touch with your compassionate voice. Practicing this often may even help you to see solutions where you might otherwise have only focused on the problem. Planning for ways in which things might go wrong in the future does serve a purpose—and that is to keep us safe. But if you often find that you catastrophize by thinking of all the worst-case scenarios—especially to the detriment of your mental health—it can be important to remind yourself that the things you’re worrying about may never happen, and, if they do, they will probably turn out much better than you think.” When we instinctively move to worry about troubling times...what has happened, is happening, or what we believe may happen in the future, maybe it's time to retrain our brains and remind ourselves of Bobby McFerrin's important words. "When you worry, your face will frown and that will bring everyone down. In your life expect some trouble. When you worry, you make it double. Don't worry. Be happy." Listen to his song here: " Don't Worry. Be Happy ." Instead of focusing on worry, focus on gratitude (which also changes the brain, but in a positive way.) Write down the good things happening to you, even if you believe there are only a few right now. Then write the good things you are making plans to happen to you. Oftentimes those written thoughts, combined with a plan, will subconsciously lead you to positive thinking, which then leads to a more positive and happier life. Those writings may become self-fulfilling insights into what your life can or will become.

We've all heard phrases, like "Hitting the Wall", "Weathering the Storm" "Going Over the Cliff," "Never Give Up," "Overcoming all Obstacles," and "You can't keep a good man down," as reminders to see, face, address, or be defeated by life's challenges. Both persistence and resistance play an important role in addressing life, roadblocks, and opportunities but the two words have different meanings and attributes. Both are important to know, learn about, and implement for success in life and work. Perseverance (persistence) is unwavering determination and tenacity to continue pursuing a goal or objective, even when faced with obstacles, setbacks, or challenges along the way. Persistent people maintain a steadfast focus on their desired outcomes. They refuse to give up easily and are willing to invest time, effort, funds, and energy into overcoming difficulties. They often view setbacks as temporary roadblocks. They adapt their strategies when necessary and keep moving forward, undeterred by temporary failures, regardless of how much time it takes to achieve success. When we discuss resilience, we refer to the ability to "bounce back" from adversity, setbacks, or difficult circumstances. Resilient people recover, adapt, and even thrive when faced with stress, trauma, or challenges. They may embrace change and see it as a welcome challenge to find new ways of approaching problems. They learn from failures and grow stronger in the face of adversity. Resilient people keep a positive outlook despite difficult situations and their resilience enables them to navigate life's ups and downs and emerge stronger. Persistence keeps us focused and determined, driving us forward. Resilience helps us bounce back, adapt, and thrive in the face of challenges. But today, I want to focus on perseverance, persistence , and determination . When we are determined and continue to push forward in our actions, even if we meet resistance along the way, that's perseverance! It means we focus on the goal that we intend to reach. That can be a goal in our work lives, our financial or educational situation, our relationships, or our self-improvement or life happiness. What we invest in shows what is important to us. When we invest our time and energy in reaching our goals, that perseverance also reflects how important that goal is to us. “Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” (Michael Jordan) The strange thing is that until we are tested, we never know how we will persevere. We also don't know where our strengths are until we've tested and retested those strengths. That's what perseverance does for us. We can guess and believe we will always persevere, but oftentimes, it comes down to the situation and how our goals and desires fit into that situation. For example, if I think I will be a great chess player, however, after playing a few games, discover I'm not crazy about the game. I may put the game board aside and focus on other things. But suppose one of my sons picks up my game board, reads the rules, and discovers he enjoys chess. He may take my game board to the park and learn the game, playing the game every chance he gets against the chess players in the park and anyone he can find. He may end up being the Podunk, TX Chess Master of the Year. Why was he successful and I wasn't? He showed an interest in the game, was fully committed to learning it, and showed perseverance. I didn't. In life, we're all going to face adversity and obstacles, some of our own making, some of which happen unexpectedly. We will all experience that moment when things seem bleak, where we don't know where to turn, feel trapped, or believe we will suffer loss or maybe even lose everything. It's that time when either failure or loss tears away plans we've made and dreams we've envisioned. Maybe everything that we've been building towards, all of the progress and struggle and sacrifice, falls apart. We may be unsure if there’s a way to pick up the pieces. No matter where we are in life, whether buying a house, building a career, developing a relationship, reaching an important goal, or even trying to relax, there’s the chance you’re going to run into THE WALL. It's when we hit the wall that we suddenly find out if we have persistence...or can develop it. THE WALL is the limit of our abilities, emotions, patience, or luck. THE WALL is the point where we find that our efforts are not good enough, and where we find our greatest struggles. THE WALL is where it seems we are beaten. But it doesn’t have to be. Turns out, we climb THE WALL every single day! That’s right. We climb the wall hundreds of times a day. It’s in our head, and we can conquer it. We will talk about some ways to refocus, dust ourselves off, and get over that beast. There isn’t any single, unified approach. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” road to success, even though many self-help books insist there is. But there ARE skills, tactics, and mindsets that we can use to keep ourselves in the fight, no matter what that fight may be. THE WALL may be where we fail at first, but it must not be where we give up. I'd like to share four steps that help anyone persevere. The first, and most important step in overcoming an obstacle is to identify the thing that prevents us from achieving our goals and to define the obstacle itself. To do that, we also must have a firm grasp on what our goal is, and the conditions in which we will find satisfaction. We do this kind of evaluation subconsciously all of the time; “I am hungry, I do not have a burger,” for example. The solution to the obstacle is straightforward, in this case. We can hit a drive-thru, or get the pan out and make it ourselves. When the Obstacle becomes more complex, however, we may have to take more time and put more effort into examining what is hindering our progress. I know this may seem like basic-level stuff, but the fundamentals are important. We must be capable of expanding our awareness of the situation before we can dissect and dismantle the obstacle. We have to be able to slow things down , stop and pay attention, focus, and see where we can improve. This step comes with an important task, which cannot, or MUST NOT be skipped. We have to figure out if we can win the fight at all, or if we need to. 2. Ultimately, we cannot overcome everything. Failure is as much a part of the human experience as success, and while it often feels like defeat is a precursor to great loss, it is rarely that serious. There are exceptions, especially if we must face health situations over which we have little or no control. As we analyze our situation, we may even find that encountering the wall has made us realize our priorities are skewed, need to be adjusted, or the obstacles have challenged us to grow or obtain success we would not have otherwise obtained. It's through our time taken to truly analyze our wall that we discover we may be spinning our wheels unnecessarily, even persistently. That's when we need to apply that persistence to other areas of our life that matter! Often, our emotions distort our perception, and we place a heightened level of importance on the immediate challenge that might not be necessary, or appropriate. By taking a step back, examining our emotional response, and reframing the problem through a lens of rationality, we might find that the thing that currently confounds us may be out of our control, or something that can be side-stepped entirely. Save yourself the frustration of climbing THE WALL if you don’t need to or want to! Frank Partnoy said it clearly, "Life might be a race against time, but it is enriched when we rise above our instincts and stop the clock to process and understand what we are doing and why." A bonus is If you take the time to determine that you care about the problem you are facing, the next steps become easier, and you can adjust how much you care later down the line. It’s vital to note: that the actions and feelings of other people are not under our control. If your rational examination of THE WALL reveals someone else is controlling your progress, you’ll have to adjust your strategy. More on that later, but for now, keep a focus on what YOU can accomplish. Once we’ve figured out what the obstacle is, and that there is something we can do to overcome it, we have to enact the plan. Whether it’s physical improvement, relationship goals, or learning a new skill, having a course of action that includes intent and commitment is necessary. A bonus is to simply write it down. In short, you must maintain the idea that " I CAN DO THIS" in your mind at all times! Learn to manage emotions and expectations until that idea becomes a reality, whether it takes a short time or a long time. Specificity can be extraordinarily helpful in this stage; it’s better to set a plan that includes milestones of performance. It’s hard to lose 20 pounds or play the guitar like Hendrix, but if our plan is “eat more vegetables and eat less pie” or “learn how to play a chord this week,” we can break THE WALL into manageable “sections.” The smaller the sections, the easier they are to get over or master. OK, we have our plan, our goal, and the all-important realistic and rational appraisal of our ability. We’re almost there! 3. Now , we must build our skills and find our flow, and this part can take years. Ideally, it will take the rest of your life. Ultimately, if we can conquer THE WALL, we will do so by improving ourselves, our communication, our focus, and our habits. Here, you’ll want to do something easy to say, and hard to accomplish; Detach your sense of self-worth from success or failure. No kidding, this part is difficult. It’s INCREDIBLY counter-intuitive to reaffirm that failure does not make you a bad person. An amazing thing happens to us when we persevere through difficult tasks. Our brain's reward center is turned on and our body's natural anti-depressant and feel-good neurotransmitter, dopamine, is released. When it's released, it becomes a strong motivator for us to continue. We may feel further inspired! We feel like we are winning and it feels good! You've probably heard it said, "Success leads to success" and that's often true because as our perseverance pays off, it feels good and increases our confidence. There will still be ups and downs but our brains will teach us to focus on those successes. Naturally, there is a sense of scale to be considered; failure to meet a deadline is less of an indication of your character than, say, failure to remain faithful in a relationship, so this step needs to be performed carefully. If THE WALL you face will affect other people, you need to communicate with them, honestly and openly, before you begin attempting a course of action. This is essentially your chance to call in a secret weapon. If you can, get help. If THE WALL is too tough to break down on your own, find someone with a jackhammer. If you don’t naturally have the skill set necessary to achieve your goal, getting assistance from someone who does will help you develop new skills more efficiently. In most cases, the people who can help you have had to do the same thing themselves. For obstacles like physical fitness, this might be a personal trainer or a gym buddy. For relationship hurdles, we (of course) highly recommend therapy, or at the very least, an honest and open discussion with the people involved in the relationship. If you’re trying to develop new skills, or a new career, get insight from the people who have walked that road before or who have expertise in those areas. They may show you holes in THE WALL that you didn’t see before and help you overcome the wall more quickly or successfully. 4. Finally, you’re going to want to find a community . NO MATTER WHAT YOUR STRUGGLE IS, YOU NEED COMMUNITY, even if it’s a problem that you can solve yourself. Community can be co-workers, our bosses, family, or friends. It may be a group we attend, whether through our community, a business group, a speaking group, or a coaching group. Oftentimes the best groups are those who are facing the same obstacles or share the same common goals that we have. Whatever, the group, only participate in those that advocate for you, encourage you to persist, and help you do so. Don't waste your time in groups that discourage or undermine your efforts or compete against you rather than being a group that builds up its members. Sometimes when we are discouraged, it may be one or two people's encouragement that keeps us going and helps us maintain or regain our strength. That's why those individuals and groups are important. But if we don't have such a group, we can learn to persevere by ourselves, even though it may be more difficult. But know yourself. Do you work better in groups or by yourself? Think about how you work best, but then try to obtain support of others, whether friend, spouse, or associates. We are human. We are going to fail, possibly several times, until we succeed, and we ALL hit THE WALL. We need other people, people who understand the struggle can provide support, and share the things we value. Sometimes, we will need encouragement through the harder parts of our personal growth, even if it comes from someone uninvolved in our WALL. We need people to celebrate when we finally get over the top, and we need to share what we have learned as well. It is incredibly important that we share the lessons that we have learned with others, to lessen the burden of the struggle.  Humans have the most amazing capacity for change and achievement. It may take a ton of time. It might take assistance, organization, or tools. But that’s life and getting over THE WALL is what makes our lives, and our communities, better, stronger, and more capable of supporting each other. In the end, that’s the greatest goal. Once we hit the top of THE WALL, we can start building bridges. And that’s when we can become advocates to help others get over their walls and find joy in both our and their journeys. Watch for upcoming articles about dealing with adversity (how to use it to make you stronger), increasing resilience (ability to adjust and refocus), and the ability to let go (of things that burden or are harming you). Discover when and how each of those, as well as perseverance, are important life tools to include in your box of skill sets. I encourage you to also visit my blog page for updates as articles appear at Resources  | Articles by Clifton Fuller )

Selecting an In-Network or Out-of-Network Provider...what does it mean? What's the difference? When a physician or mental health provider is a contracted provider in a particular health insurance plan, that’s considered being "in-network." Providers are considered "out-of-network", if they have not signed a contract with an insurance company to be in the insurance plan's "panel". However, they may still be covered on a PPO or insurance-choice plan. There are different insurance plans. HMOs or other limiting plans require their members to seek services solely from their "provider panels" (i.e., "being in-network or a preferred provider panel". The term "preferred provider panels" are the insurance industry's marketing name for their in-network plans. They prefer their members select the providers in their in-network panel plans as the providers contract to accept lower rates. It does not mean the providers are more qualified providers. Provider panels may limit the choice of the insured to obtain some needed care or care by a provider with higher skills, expertise, or experience, even though some highly skilled providers may be in the plans. It's important to look at the credentials of any provider, whether in or out of network. Out-of-network PPO plans usually allow greater choice for the insured. These plans will enable the individual or family to seek the care they prefer, not be forced to select from a limited list of professions. In-network means a provider has signed a contract with an insurance company, which includes fixed fees the insurance company allows the provider to receive, an insurance company’s ability to access that provider’s client records, and results in the provider’s clients being insured members of that insurance carrier. It gives the insurance carrier control of the members and providers. In order to receive reimbursement, and coverage for members, in-network providers must provide any records the insurance company wants, whether or not the client wants those entire details released. In-network may result in lowered costs to members due to insurance plans contracts with providers. If you have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program), it is similar to an out-of-network provider. Insurance companies are not involved until you reach the EAP's allowed session limits. Sometimes, diagnoses are not required and limited documentation is needed (which usually involves DOS-date of service the session was provided and TOS-type of service (such as diagnostic session which is the first-initial session and if session was an individual, marital, or family session). EAPs do not usually require copies of case notes, such as insurance companies may require, but check with the policies if you have an EAP. Out-of-network providers choose not to be in an insurance carrier’s network. This may provide greater control for people to choose care based upon credentials, skills, and expertise of the provider. It also affords greater confidentiality to the client, as out-of-network providers have ability (because they do not have a legally binding contract with the insurance carrier) to provide only basic information documentation such as diagnosis, type of service, date of service, provider's credentials, brief overviews, in OTRs-"Out-patient treatment reports"). Costs for services may, or may not, be higher, depending upon the specifics of the plans, which are usually PPOs and allow members to choose either in-network or out-of-network, based upon needs of the member. Since an out-of-network provider is not contractually obligated to the insurance company, the client may have greater control over any reports released to the insurance company. This may provide greater confidentiality to clients by using out-of-network providers. Some providers want to be on insurance panels but do not yet have or need the specific credentials or practice hours to meet state licensing board requirements required by a particular insurance panel. They may currently be out-of-network due to a lack of credentials, hours, or minimum education requirements still to be completed. Once those are obtained, the provider may join specific "provider panels" (to become part of that insurance carrier's in-network providers) and obtain potential referrals from a particular insurance carrier. Providers may contract with specific insurance companies while not registering for, or being accepted on, other panels of other insurance companies. Some in-network providers enjoy being in panels, know the "rules" of that particular panel's filing and reporting requirements, or are in group practices where all the insurance claim filing is done by an in-house billing department or out-sourced to a third-party billing department. Some providers rely upon in-network panels for client referrals, while out-of-network professionals obtain referrals independently of insurance companies, usually through "word-of-mouth" referrals, marketing, credentials or expertise. Some providers who work with group practices may be in-network if that is a requirement of that group practice or if an insurance company is associated with that group practice. Obtaining a health insurance plan with out-of-network coverage helps insured members avoid surprise medical bills. This coverage is valuable for those who want to maximize their healthcare options or have specialized medical needs. Some employers offer these types of plans to attract prospective applicants as part of their employee benefits packages. Some reasons an increasing number of professionals leave or decide not to join insurance panels: Due to frequent turnover among insurance employee s, insurance companies may have employees with limited training who provide incorrect information to their members. This inaccuracy discourages members from seeking oftentimes needed care. Example: A member asks a case manager if "marital therapy" is covered and is told it isn't. But if the member knew to ask for the CPT code 90847, they would find the service they needed was covered. If the member had asked for the code or had asked if family therapy was covered, the case manager would have likely said yes. Members are not usually versed in CPT codes but tend to ask by type of service they are seeking instead. Providers may tell clients to "always file your insurance claims, no matter what your insurance carrier tells you is covered or isn't." Members are often surprised when they receive coverage even if told by insurance companies that they wouldn't. However, the opposite is frequently true. Members are told they are covered, only to later be informed authorized sessions or assumed coverage is denied. It's a common complaint among both members seeking care and providers providing care. There are now groups and attorneys who assist the insured whose claims are denied. Professionals may be required to join a "group" practice or hire outside billing groups to file insurance claims to receive payment from an insurance carrier. Insurance panels contract for low rates, which often does not translate into lowered member rates or wages to cover provider's operational expenses which would afford livable salaries for the professional and their needed billing staff. In order to offset costs, they must increase number of clients seen dramatically. Professionals experience a loss of actual time spent in client care and counseling if having to also deal with insurance companies. Loss of available client care time increases due to the time required to address insurance claims, billing staff costs to file claims, cost of claim submissions, and the time needed to obtain authorization (required by insurance companies to both providers and members). Professionals want to focus on client care, not "jumping through hoops" many insurance carriers require. Actor, Bryan Cranston, sums up their thinking, "I learned long ago to focus on things you can control and don't even pay attention to things you don't." Out-of-network providers prefer focus on service to clients, not insurance mandates. Some out-of-network providers believe the "more eyes and hands involved in reporting or billing exposes the confidentiality of a client to a greater extent". Providers are frustrated at the hoops they must jump through to obtain needed care, or once preapproval is obtained, then an insurance company declines previously authorized care , often making client care out-of-reach for the client . Insurance companies may deny payment for services a provider has already provided to the insured and this action by the insurance company is adversarial to providers. Some insurance companies penalize providers (& insured) by covering at a lower rate, hoping to encourage or pressure clients to use insurance company-approved provider lists. In-network p roviders must release any insurance-requested information on a client to any insurance company to which they are a provider (in-network), even if the client wants to keep that information private. Out-of-Network providers do not. Payments for services, by some insurance companies, are often delayed, even more than the 30-day required payment time period, due to requests by the insurance companies for more documentation from the providers. This delays payment processing and increased staff time and cost for in-network providers. Every person is different, and there are a wide variety of insurance plans with various requirements and coverage. Some people have choices financially on what type of insurance they can afford, while others don't. Some employers offer only one or a limited number of insurance plans for their employees. Elderly people may be on fixed incomes or Medicare, or those on Medicaid, may be limited in their choice of providers or insurance plans. But whatever your options are, choose your plan or provider wisely, as much as in your control. That choice can make all the difference.

Communication is a vital skill to develop, whether it be between strangers, co-workers, neighbors, friends, parent and child, family, or anyone. Even though some of the same communication skills apply to any form of communication, in this article, the focus is on communication between two people, a couple, in a relationship. ~When couples in a relationship communicate effectively, their relationship becomes stronger. ~When couples in a relationship communicate ineffectively, their relationship becomes stained and invites conflict. If you are part of a couple, answer these questions. Do you feel your relationship is more difficult than it should be? Do simple conversations turn into explosive arguments? Occasionally Always? Do you feel your spouse doesn’t understand you and you don’t understand your spouse? Do you avoid your spouse because you’re afraid a specific topic will be discussed? Do you feel as if you’re repeating the same mistakes you’ve made in the past? Do you regret things you’ve said in an argument? Do you believe talking won’t do any good because it never has? Do you feel something’s missing in your marriage? Do you feel isolated and alone, even when you are together? Do you desire to understand your partner in a deeper, fuller way? Do you want your relationship to be easier? Do you desire a more fulfilling relationship? If you identify with the above questions, it may indicate a desire to improve your relationship.  A fulfilling, intimate relationship may not be as easy as we think it should be or would like it to be. Relationships require nurturing and communication. The #1 comment from single people is that they feel lonely. Guess what the #1 comment from married couples is? They feel lonely. How can that be? How can people in a relationship still feel lonely? It's because they aren't communicating to each other that they care about the other, they aren't listening to their partner, or they aren't understanding their partner's needs. (Read the article: " The right kind of candy: when communication is sweet! " to find out more about discovering the communication skills you can develop to make your partner feel loved.) Conversations between two people may become difficult, especially if there are feelings of hurt, anger, betrayal, insecurity, guilt, or fear.  Yet when couples develop strong communication skills, and learn how to understand and appreciate each other, those relationships can be the most joyful and happy relationships people can find. There are many different reasons why communication within a relationship may need help. From childhood, boys and girls are often influenced by culture and society to develop different ways of expression. Adults model their own family's style of communication when dealing with problems. When each partner has his or her own style of working things out; it may result in unresolved issues. Over time, patterns develop in how a couple relates to each other, which may be productive or destructive. Often, there is a lack of understanding about effectively applying communication to real life. Communication may need to be rebuilt if it has been broken if trust has been affected through infidelity, misunderstanding, dishonesty, or violence, or when the hectic, everyday pressures of life prevent time together to deepen relationships. Unfortunately, many couples believe they will never be able to have the relationship they desire, so they delay seeing a therapist until they are ready to walk out the door.  It’s important to address problems and concerns as they occur, as this prevents additional communication or behavior problems from occurring that are disruptive or will tear down the once-loving relationship. You can learn to talk to your spouse and find fulfillment in your relationship unless the relationship is dangerous, abusive, or manipulative by one or both partners. These issues may be intensified with alcohol or drug abuse or addiction. Couples can have the relationships they want, but it takes effort and a willingness to make needed changes on the part of both partners. They also need to learn strong communication skills and understand that communication isn't just the words being spoken. It's also facial expressions and body language. Is your partner "rolling their eyes" and what does that communicate? Do they have a frown or a smile on their face? What does that communicate? It's also the tone of voice...is your partner's voice (& your voice) calm, disinterested, bored, angry, or happy? The tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language set the stage before a single word is ever spoken. Take a few seconds to think before speaking, and consider what your face, body, and tone will communicate is extremely important. Even strong couples seek couples counseling to enhance their relationship and understanding of each other. Couples counseling focuses on building strengths in your marriage (& family), developing new ways to relate to one another, and addressing unresolved issues or patterns in your relationship. Therapists help couples learn effective ways to talk to one another and solve problems. Experienced "third parties", such as professional therapists, objectively facilitate conversations when couples are unable to do so alone or when they want to learn skills to do so more effectively. Couples counseling can also include developing positive parenting skills.  Couples counseling may be appropriate when a couple desires to improve their relationship when couples are contemplating marriage, when facing life changes, when there are sexual issues, narcissism, or other personality disorder order aspects present. Couples counseling can also be done with children included, as family counseling, at times, with other family members, or if it seems the relationship or time together isn’t as good as it could be. Marriage therapists are the professionals who most often focus on couple communication and family counseling, as the field of marriage and family therapy evolved from researching and studying patterns of effective communication among couples and families (not psychology or social work as many people think). There are three levels of communication and the most important thing is to stay on the "Issue" level...what the problem is. The second level moves into personal attacks, rather than addressing the real problem...and the third and most dangerous level attacks the partner and the relationship. Another important part of communication among couples is to have an awareness of what your partner is communicating...and how you are interpreting that communication. This may be biased due to your interpretation so this diagram slows down the process and makes you think! Once this type of analysis of the patterns you and your partner use in communication, as well as the "triggers" that will disrupt, threaten, or undermine communication, then you will be able to move forward to build stronger communication skills. You'll learn to avoid the triggers (as they are never productive), and instead focus on the give and take that each person in a strong relationship shares with each other. Own up to your own thoughts/beliefs, emotions, desires, and actions. Observe what you and your partner are saying and give feedback to make certain you are correctly interpreting your partner's attempts to communicate with you. Be kind to each other as you learn to communicate more effectively and be able to laugh at yourself when you miss the mark. Learn from your mistakes...your partner will thank you for doing that. If you need help or simply want to strengthen your communication skills with your partner, children, family, friends, or at work, seeking services from a marriage and family therapist or a professional counselor may be the help you need. Life or executive coaches are also an excellent resource to address business or co-worker communication, and conflict resolutions, to learn and build confidence communicating with others, or to address confidence or fears of public speaking.

What are the differences between mental health providers: a counselor, a therapist, a psychotherapist, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist? Mental pain may seem less dramatic or immediate than physical pain, but it is more common and may be harder to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: It is easier to say "'My tooth is aching' than to say 'My heart is broken.'" (Author, C.S. Lewis) It is easier to see a broken arm than a broken mind or to see bleeding wounds rather than a mind that isn't in touch with reality or hears voices you don't hear. That is the reason it is smart to know about the different providers, to match the one(s) that will be best suited to meet a person's needs most effectively. The time spent researching the best providers for a client's specific needs is time well spent and most likely will end up saving future time, and costs, and increase the possibility of outcome success. No one bats 100%. No football quarterback passes with 100% success. No parent, child, person, patient, or client is perfect. A doctor is not godlike, even though highly educated and trained. They will not save every patient. Not every therapist is 100% successful, nor does every psychiatrist prescribe the exact medicine every time as all patients react differently to different medications. Knowing that, we can still make the best decisions possible for our care, and knowing the type of care, and the specifics of our needs, will greatly increase a positive outcome for the care we seek. Empowered with knowledge about different types of providers, researching them online, through their licensing boards, and from family or friend referrals and recommendations is a bonus. Just like your selection for the type of medical provider you use is important, so is the type of mental health provider you decide to use for mental health services. You wouldn't want to make an appointment with an ear-nose-throat specialist if your arm is broken or you're having problems with your feet. You'd carefully research the doctors for the issue you were addressing and then research to see if they were the best for your care. Checking out your medical doctors' credentials and references is important, and the same scrutiny should also apply when seeking mental health care. Do you know the differences between different mental health professionals? Below is a quick overview of the difference between mental healthcare providers, their licensures, and how clients can select the best professional to address their needs. If a client (or patient) needs specific mental health care, the professional they choose may shorten the time, cost, and successful care outcome. Do your research! Some mental health providers can prescribe medications, while others cannot. Some mental health professionals focus on medications, while others aim to "get to the root problem" through talk therapy, feedback, discussions of past and present events, or evaluating behaviors and outcomes. Some mental health providers work with specific age groups; others work with all ages; Some work in specialized fields; others work with many other mental health or counseling issues. If that isn’t confusing enough, to top it all off, the title "therapist" and "counselor" are used interchangeably. Lawyers are often called "counselors" in the courtroom, but they are not mental health counselors and mental health counselors are not lawyers; they are therapists. Confusing, to say the least, isn’t it?! First, let's look at Licensure Requirements : Some mental health providers carry multiple licensures in their state or even in other states. Each state has different licensing laws that licensed professionals within that state must meet for specific credentials or licenses. These requirements usually include specific educational degrees, documented experience with an approved supervisor in the licensing field, application, approval of and registration with the state for the license, and continued CEU (continuing academic requirements) to be met and documented for continued licensure coverage. Not all states require licensing, so always verify with your state to see what standards are needed to ensure you seek care from a qualified professional. How to Verify a License :  Most states have online license verification, or patients can call the capital government office for each state for information. Most insurance companies require that professionals on their provider panels be licensed; however, some states' requirements changed due to shortages of providers in the medical and mental healthcare field. Contact your insurance carrier for their "provider panel list," which should include licensee information. Most providers list licensure information on their websites. If not, call their offices. What are the differences between mental health professionals, talk therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists? "Talk Therapy" is usually provided by a licensed professional who assists clients with mental health, emotional, life, and relationship challenges. Clinicians have a Master’s degree (Master of Science or Master of the Arts) or Doctorate (Ph.D., PsyD) in a mental health-related field such as psychology, social work, counseling, or marriage or family therapy. Most are allowed to provide clients with a diagnosis, but each state varies, so it's important to verify the licensing information of the different professionals within your state.   “ Talk therapy” professionals may include : LPC : Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC can diagnose mental illness to plan treatments for each individual, allows insurance to pay for mental health counseling) LCSW : Licensed Clinical Social Worker (authorized to assess, diagnose, and treat individuals and families of all ages & economic groups. Insurance will cover LCSW diagnosis). LMFT : Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (MFTs can independently diagnose by the DSM, allowing insurance to cover sessions that carry a diagnosis). LCDC : Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC can diagnose substance disorders but is not qualified to treat a person with a mental health disorder or provide family counseling to an individual presenting problems that do not include substance use). LMHC : Licensed mental health counselors (LMHC can make a diagnosis for mental health issues, and allow for insurance coverage). What does "Associate" by a license indicate? That is a professional who has received their Master’s degree but is still "under the supervision" of a licensed, approved supervisor, and who is still obtaining the required hours of experience working in the profession. Once their supervisor(s) and the state licensing board approve their testing scores and application, they can seek approval to operate under a full license. What does "S" after a license indicate? It means that the licensing board in that state has recognized that the professional has a higher level of experience and skills, has approved that professional to carry a "supervisor" status in the state, and allows them to supervise new professionals entering the mental healthcare field. Supervisors are required to obtain continuing education requirements specific to their supervisory designation and their licensures. Speciality Areas of Counselors and Therapists : What are the specialty areas of counselors (also known as psychotherapists or therapists)? The list is extensive and addresses almost every aspect of mental health except for medication management (provided by psychiatrists) and standardized testing (provided by psychologists). To see a fairly complete list, check out the "Big List" of topics for current & future articles. When seeking care, the first question to ask is probably, "What type of therapy do I seek?" Is it individual counseling, couples counseling, group therapy, family or marital therapy? The second question might be: "What am I trying to address?" If there is a conflict in a marriage, you may want to seek the services of a marriage therapist. If it's agoraphobia, you may want to seek the services of a virtual therapist who addresses agoraphobia online until the patient can leave their home without anxiety or phobias. If a client is elderly, the best services would be to seek those who work with the elderly population, and most likely accept their insurance if on Medicare. If it is for an adolescent who is struggling in school or "acting out", seek the care of a therapist who works with this age group, as many therapists don't. The same thing applies to all age groups; some work with children while other therapists don't; some therapists work with battered women, while other therapists don't. Some therapists will work with personality disorders such as narcissism or borderline personality disorders, while other therapists will not accept those clients and will refer them to other providers. It's important to know the full range of specialty areas a therapist has if you are considering going to them. The same thing applies to psychologists and psychiatrists. Due to the access now of virtual telehealth services, former barriers to care have been decreased. Some clients prefer virtual counseling, while other clients prefer in-office sessions. Both are face-to-face with the counselor, but in different formats (online or in-office). Studies indicate equal positive outcomes in either setting. It no longer depends upon the "brick and mortar office location" as much and comes down to a client's preference, the experience and qualifications of the therapist, time and energy, and the travel (or lack thereof) to and from the therapist's office. Many psychologists and psychiatrists now offer virtual sessions, as well as in-office sessions. This has resulted in shorter times between appointments and greater access to providers than previously available. Psychologists (PhDs or PsyDs) Psychologists have doctoral degrees and provide standardized testing, IQ testing, school testing, specialized assessments, and formal diagnosis of mental health illnesses or educational needs for schools, courts, and hospitals. They often consult with communities, diagnose and treat patients, and teach those pursuing the discipline. They may assess behavioral and mental function compared to a patient’s well-being. They do not prescribe medication, and some may offer limited talk therapy, as their focus is usually on testing, research, and assessment. They must obtain a master’s degree that focuses on the mental health or psychology field, plus an advanced doctoral degree. They, too, must be supervised for a certain number of hours after attaining their degree to practice independently. Psychologists may have one of two degrees, a Ph.D. or a Psy.D. In Ph.D. (Doctor of Philosophy) programs, the focus is tilted more toward research. A Psy.D. (Doctor of Psychology) the degree focuses more on clinical practice and less on research. Even though they hold a doctoral degree, they are not medical doctors (which a psychiatrist is). Insurance companies will cover psychologists, depending upon the service provided. Some specialty areas of psychologists may include the study, research, and testing of patients related to: Clinical Psychology Counseling Psychology Experimental Psychology Forensic Psychology Human Factors Psychology Industrial-Organizational Psychology School Psychology Social Psychology What’s the difference between clinical and counseling psychologists? While there’s substantial overlap between a counseling psychologist and a clinical psychologist, the main difference is that clinical psychologists focus on psychopathology (study of mental health conditions); while counseling psychologists may address emotional, social, or physical stressors in a patient's life. Clinical psychologists generally address more serious mental health issues. Psychiatrists (MDs or DOs) Psychiatrists are medical doctors who focus on mental health issues. Psychiatrists make diagnoses, like talk therapists and psychologists. However, talk therapists and psychologists cannot prescribe medications to treat mental health issues, but psychiatrists can because they are also doctors. Psychiatrists must graduate from medical school, earning an MD (medical doctor) or DO degree, followed by at least four years of residency. They must then be tested for competency by a professional board (as are talk therapists and psychologists, but at a much higher level of knowledge as it pertains not only to mental health but also to the medical healthcare field). Specialty areas of psychiatrists may include: Child and adolescent psychiatry Adult Psychiatry Geriatric psychiatry Addiction psychiatry Consultation–liaison psychiatry Forensic psychiatry (court-related) Neuropsychiatry Perinatal and infant psychiatry Psychiatry: intellectual & developmental disabilities Psychiatric psychotherapy Academic psychiatry Eating disorder psychiatry Does insurance cover mental health professionals? Insurance companies cover services psychiatrists, psychologists, and most mental health professionals provide. Insurance will only cover services if there is a medical diagnosis on the patient and for a type of service covered by the insurance carrier. An insurance carrier may determine a different pay rate (or reimbursement), depending upon if a provider is "in-network" or "out-of-network." Some insurance companies may penalize their members (i.e. pay less) to force the members to seek care only from in-network providers, as the insurance company has a contracted lowered provider fee scale for those providers, and has greater access to all patient notes (due to provider's contract with insurance carrier), whether a client wants those notes released or not. Insurance companies are all different and some will cover both in-office and virtual counseling. Some will cover group counseling, while others don't. Some insurance companies will cover family therapy, but not marriage therapy...while other insurance companies will cover both. Most insurance companies will cover individual therapy, depending on the diagnosis. (Mental health providers provide a diagnosis based on the DSM-5-TR; Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) It's important to learn more from your insurance carrier if seeking care or payment coverage is dependent upon your insurance coverage plan. The more you know about the choices you have for the care you seek, the better your choices will be. Want to learn more? Click here  to read more about the difference between in-network and out-of-network professionals.

There are many things in life that bring us joy. It may be the smile of a child, watching playful kittens and puppies, watching a good movie with your family, a date-night out with your spouse, or a sunrise or sunset. There are also things that cause us to relax, reduce stress, change our thinking or our world. These may be the written words that appear in books, the sharing of thoughts, mental images, and ideas. The words you read daily, those poems, that romance novel, the fiction, the research, the Bible or book reflecting a religious view you carry or want information about, that scheduler or organizer, that daily journal...all are impacting your life. We must be cautious in the books we select as words have the power to inspire anger, distrust, actions of harm toward others as well as to inspire, build-up, motivate, and encourage. The words we choose to read or write can have a positive or negative force on our lives and the lives of others. Books are precious treasures to be chosen with great discernment, as they offer hope, entertainment, and even solutions in life. We wanted to share the video below which explains the power of books to each of us, and the way ideas, concepts and words can change our lives. Click to watch video about Fuller Publishing's philosophy about the joy and power of books: The words we read and hear can shape our thoughts and turn into the actions we follow. It's why it's important to listen to others. Words spoken and words listened to (& body language and tone of voice) are called communication. Communication is essential for human development and the lack of communication leaves us feeling isolated, unloved, and unaccepted. We all have the power to change those feelings by the words we read, the actions we choose, and the information or support we feed into our minds and lives. Books tell us that we are not alone, that others have struggled along the same difficult paths we've encountered and found answers. Books help us explore new worlds, escape when we need it most, and read others' voices that are different than our voice. Books help us understand we live in a complex world of many different types of people and treasure that uniqueness each brings to us and our world. Books can be great gifts we give others or ourselves. Often when we are invited to someone's home or feel we should take a gift as a thank-you to someone, we don't know what to take. Should we take flowers or are our hosts allergic to flowers? Should we take a bottle of wine, or do they avoid alcohol due to their life choices? Do we take a toy for a friend's child's birthday party, and if so, what is the child's age and what do they like? When we give gifts, the best gifts are personalized, gifts that reflect we've thought about the gift, we know about the intended recipient, and also what they may need, want, or enjoy. When you share a book as a gift, you can personalize your choice, letting the recipient know you treasure them and know what they like or what they may need. If you are invited to a family member's home and know that family member enjoys playing golf, you can take them a gift of a book about golf; if they are gardener's, take a book about gardening. If they are struggling with grief at the loss of a family member or facing a rocky relationship, a book that would help them get through that difficult time might be important. Just be sensitive to their needs and take their needs into consideration (not necessarily what you think they need, but what they would want, would be of benefit to them, and that they would treasure). A book is also a great gift to give ourselves! We can spend time in the library reading and relaxing, we can share books with others in book clubs or reading groups, we can attend authors presentations, we can go to used bookstores, or pass books around with friends. There are so many opportunities to open and enjoy a book! Words have the power to hurt or to heal, whether spoken or written. When we write our thoughts and ideas, we delay the process of sharing those thoughts, as the actual writing process slows us down. That's the reason great speechwriters write their speeches down, then revise and revise repeatedly until they have the final speech that represents what they want to say. Authors have the same opportunity. Many authors consider words like candy, each word has a different taste, and simple words can completely change the thoughts or book. When we speak, we often reactively speak, speak quickly, and if we speak without thought of the word's impact, our words may create contention or reactions that may not be what we want. It's also why it's so important to assess the words we hear and allow to impact us, both in speech and in written words. Today may be the perfect day for you to take a break yourself, relax, and curl up with a good book or even visit that favorite bookstore!

Sticky little fingers, tired feet, one last doorbell to ring, as we trick or treat! "Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it's about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves." (Elvis Duran) There are many discussions about the origins of Halloween, but one of my favorites comes from Scotland and Ireland. The tradition of Trick-or-treating goes way back to the 16th century in Ireland and Scotland. On October 31st, the people would go "guising," which meant they would disguise themselves in a costume, usually homemade, the fancier the better, and often with a mask. Then, they would go from house to house, performing to entertain those within each home. If trick-or-treaters were dressed cleverly enough and put on a good show, they would be rewarded with food or treats. If the costume or performance were not welcomed, they’d be rewarded with a trick, no treats. “Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” (Linus, ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’) Now, in the U.S., a simple "trick or treat," a cute costume, and a cheerful "thank you" will snag trick-or-treaters some great treats, even without any performance prepared. Some may recall the days when there were no elaborate costumes, but we just wore something from another sibling, threw a worn sheet on our head with holes cut out for our eyes, drew and cut on a paper sack to make a mask, or wore a sibling's clothes, which seemed hilarious at the time. To some, Halloween has become more elaborate: fancier costumers, lots of stuff to buy to decorate, dress-up, or entertain for parties we're having. The value of Halloween is that people get together and enjoy each other's company, laugh together, and share food (or treats). Even though Halloween is fun, it’s important to remember to be safe. Top 10 Safety Tips to share with your children or fellow trick-or-treaters! "A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality." (Lucy Van Pelt, ‘It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’) Costumes: Wear comfortable shoes that you will be comfortable in all night. No need to get blisters on your feet that will haunt you the following week! Long dresses or robes are a tripping hazard and can cause accidental falls. Wear something shorter that doesn’t drag the ground or trip you up. It’s wise to wear face paint with your costume, as masks often block vision or make breathing difficult. It’s best to wear light clothing, which is easier to be seen at night, rather than dark clothing, which blends into the night skies and is more difficult for others (including drivers) to see. If you will be trick-or-treating at night, carry reflectors, flashlights, glow sticks, or even GPS (that a parent can monitor by smartphone). These can be put on a costume, wrist, hat, or candy carrier. Blinking lights alert others of trick-or-treaters nearby, including cars or trucks, more effectively than regular lights. With young children, writing their name, phone, parent’s name, and address and attaching that information to their wrist, leg, or as part of their costume is important in case they become lost or separated from the group. Travel in groups! If you are a young child, always stay with your parent or an assigned adult or older child. If you are a teen, always remain in a group with others you know to look out for each other and have fun together. Don’t enter homes, even if asked to do so by residents. If you are going to a party, make sure you know the hosts and have permission from your parents (if you are a teen or child). Inform them of the party’s address and host, preferably by writing that information for them ahead of the party. Be familiar with your neighborhood and your surroundings at all times. Set pre-determined routes. Some parents join together and take turns walking different blocks with their and their neighbor’s children. Follow traffic rules. Be aware that if it’s dark and people driving cars may not see little spooks unless they are with an adult, have a light costume, or have lighting. Do not run across streets, jay-walk, and be aware to take precautions while you have fun. Stay on sidewalks as much as possible and cross at safe crossing areas. Phones. This is one time it is a good idea to give your child a phone. Even if it’s a cute burner phone with your number on autodial in case your child needs to call you, or just if they want to tell you how much fun they are having! Have several other phone numbers preprogrammed, just in case. This also gives parents a way to contact their kids if they are out of sight or need to reconnect with a group if they are separated. If you see something suspicious, call the police and report it. (You did remember to preprogram the police department’s phone # in your child’s phone already, right?) Check candy before letting your children eat it. If you suspect any candy, throw it away, take it to your nearest police station in a plastic bag, or contact the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222. This would be for any candy that smells strange, is not factory sealed, is discolored, has pinholes or tears in the wrappers, or is covered in unknown substances. As drivers, be extra alert on Halloween to watch for children and teens, as they may be distracted and darting into the streets. Drive slow! Put your phones down and watch for children! This is especially true for new teen drivers. More children are injured on Halloween by cars than any other night of the year. Practice extra safety precautions, whether a driver or a trick-or-treater, so that the night remains fun! "The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween." (Paula Guran) Halloween can also be a time to share joy or even make some special treats to share with elderly family members, neighbors, or those in your community. It can be a time to share food together that has a little bit of extra decoration to spice up a meal. It can be a time to exercise together, laugh together, and plan together. It's a great time to build family memories and just have fun! Sometimes the joy of Halloween isn’t the candy or costumes. It may be simply being part of a group, a family, a church, school, neighborhood, or a community sharing laughter, treats, and happiness together. And the great thing is that giving and receiving done on Halloween can be done on any day of the year! The farther we've gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we've come to need Halloween. (Paula Guran) Discover more Halloween Safety Tips below: Halloween Safety Tips | Safe Kids Worldwide HealthyChildren.org KidsHealth.org National Safety Council CPS: Caring for Kids on Halloween “Safe Fear: Why We Like to be Scared” (Clifton Fuller) Article about Dental tooth care during Halloween